Day 15

Good morning friends...

There is one way to waste money that no one talks about. It's worse than blowing $120 on ice cream and then eating it all in one sitting. You might get a stomach ache but at least it tastes good. No, the worst waste of money is getting a speeding ticket. Even worse, its getting two speeding tickets in 8 months. Prior to last year I had only had one ticket my entire driving life and that was in 1997. Now I have had two speeding tickets in 8 months and I want to kick myself. To say that I am a bit preoccupied is an understatement. This week I am a wreck. I am questioning everything. I know this is because all the pieces are converging at once...Ray, the end of my job, money messes and school.

So far this week...

• I have had to deal with Ray's unstable father calling me every day. He had told Ray to pack his things and he was going to come get him, so I called him and confronted him about burdening Ray with his half baked ideas. Then Ray called him yesterday and is encouraging him to get a lawyer. Then his father called me four times. I spoke with him once and told him I was not co-parenting Ray with him, did not have to talk with him about anything and to call the court.
• Yesterday Ray begged me to tell the court that I don't want him anymore so he can go back to his hometown. I told him it would never happen. He misses his girlfriend and his friends. He says he will not adjust.
• I got a speeding ticket because I was rushing home on Monday and I had to miss class because of being in Columbus for work. I will go to court on the 8th and ask for more time to pay it. If I split it into two it should be more manageable. I think my insurance company is going to freak.
• I studied. I really studied and I only got a 77 on my history test yesterday. That's a "D"! What!

On the positive side...

• My pay cut was restored this pay and there is an extra $70 I wasn't expecting. I was fretting about my car registration because its a rent week and now my problem is solved! It is kind of funny to have it restored just a few days before my last day.




Photo by Pitstick Realty


• I wrote a letter to the real estate agent who lists/owns this house (listed at $105,000). It has been on the market since May 2010. I proposed a non-traditional land contract/rental situation. I have no idea if it has appliances (which would be a problem)or what condition the interior is in, but it is in our school district, is in a great neighborhood, and has four bedrooms and two bathrooms. Because there are no other photographs I am thinking there is probably a lot of work to be done. Hello Home Depot! My proposal makes it less than my rent here if he takes the bite. I will let you know how this turns out...

My next post will have the photos from Ray and Em's Bloomington Trip.

Love to all,
Rita

Day 18

Good evening my friends...

Well, it's actually day twelve if you don't count the weekends and holidays. I am taking the rest of the week off and plan to catch up on homework, housework, and gardening. Our leave is paid out at 50% so I am better off taking some of it now. Our agency just announced another 1135 layoffs that will be effective in December. This agency has been a way of life and a family for so many people. I consider myself blessed to have a plan in development for our family, even if it's not yet on solid ground.

So, what's happened this week so far?

• Em and Ray spent the weekend with Amanda in Bloomington. Ray bought a new guitar. Em tried to get a tattoo (lol). They both had a great time.
• I was able to organize and purge a bit more around the house and every stick of laundry was done. I spent about 14 hours in the car and most of my home time on the couch with my books.
• I signed Ray up for guitar lessons so he can learn to read music and feel more confident about his ability. They are $15 per lesson, but his support will help pay for it and its more than worth it. We have another assessment appointment on Friday afternoon and I managed to get all of his probation and counseling records sent to me and we received them today.

I started second guessing my decision to stay in the apartment past our lease. I need to get creative with this. All of my other ideas were a little hair-brained and are not really relevant because we are a quad now. Ray really needs his own space and a place he can play his guitar (and drums). I have some more brainstorming to do and its getting closer to layoff day. I have been so focused on Ray that I have neglected everything else.

Photo courtesy of FinnRose Photography

Amanda took some great pictures of Em and Ray over the weekend. I hope to post a mini gallery before the week is up, but here is one of Em I just love! I have a test and a paper due tomorrow night. I am off to study!

Love to all of you...
Rita

Day 21

Good morning friends...it's been a hell of a week.

Let's start with Ray. On Tuesday, a friend of Ray's came from his hometown to visit. It was a girl and no he wasn't allowed to share a bed with her, which frustrated him. I made them stay on separate floors but they stayed awake most of the night watching movies. The next morning, Ray wanted to take her for a picnic in the park. This I was encouraged by, because he had enjoyed our picnic and wanted to return to the same park. Well...about an hour and a half after they left I got a call from a friend of mine on our local police department. The two of them were asleep in the car in our museum's parking lot. They were fully clothed and there was no hanky panky. It turned out her mother had no idea she was here and she was supposed to be at a friends a few miles away from her house. Next, I found she wasn't even allowed to be around him because he had wrecked her parent's car. Needless to say, I was embarrassed. Of course Ray didn't think it was a big deal. He even had the nerve to ask me to take him to buy a guitar right after. Okay, so that is incident #1.

On Thursday morning we had our interview at the partial-hospital program for adolescents. He lied the whole time and stated very plainly that he did not want to change and he didn't want any help. They believe he would be detrimental to the group and went as far as to say that it might be too late and his behavior too intractable to change. They said I had a big heart but what was I thinking? I have known these people since I worked at Children's Services and they are the best in the business. Em went there after her suicide attempt last year and it did wonders for her. They said my best hope was to just lay down the law for him and not force him to be a part of family life if he didn't want to. The assessor said she was worried for my other children. So, they won't take him but they will do a full assessment and have him see the psychiatrist (which is also our family psychiatrist) to see if we can get a good diagnosis to work with. Ray says that no one has been able to figure him out. I told him he wasn't all that mysterious. That's incident #2.

Em and Ray are at my daughter Amanda's in Bloomington this weekend. Amanda needed an assistant for a wedding and Em has been her assistant in the past. Ray had not been anywhere more than an hour from his former home and it's a hip college town so I thought it would be good for him. I left them there at about 7 last night. So far they are having a good time. Cross your fingers.

On a lighter note, I bought a new car. This might seem contrary to the situation at hand, but it will be much better for us in the long run. My lawyer suggested I forfeit the other vehicles to the loan company because they are worth much less than the loan and barely run. I will reaffirm the debt in the bankruptcy and continue to make the payments. It's a 2011 KIA Soul and the payment is less than $250 per month (thanks Mom for the down payment help). The insurance is only $49 instead of $97 and it comes with free roadside assistance for five years and I can go 350 miles on one 11 gallon tank of gas. The total cost in savings per month is $221 and I won't have to pay a yearly $99 for AAA. We have a reliable car that will last us a long time.

Finally, I am taking two history classes and already feel like I am behind. There is so much reading and homework I can't even tell you! I am encouraged because this will get me tuned up for my graduate program in the fall. If I can focus enough to get my work done. What was I thinking?

I am off to get some work done around the house and focus on my school work. The house is quiet and I am so thankful. I have been on edge this week and need to relax and recharge.


Love to all of you,
Rita

Day 25: The Weekly Money Check-up

Good morning friends...

I am trying to stay focused and continue to post even though my life has gotten away from me and I have no time. Today(s) random photos are from our history tour vacation last year (the only one we have ever taken). A pony at Assateague Island fell in love with Em and snuffled her the whole time we were there. As you can see, he didn't want her to leave.  

 So, on to the weekly money check-up courtesy of My Pretty Pennies...

1. The most I’ve spent this last week was on groceries.I made a list and a menu plan. We went to the farmers market and I went to two stores to get the best deals I could. I didn't manage to get to Aldi, but it is still on the agenda. The grocery bill is going to kill me. The boys eat constantly!

2. Today I am thankful our custody mess is finally over. 

3. Money can’t buy happiness. One free thing I did last week that made me happy was being all curled up on the couch watching a TV marathon with Em while it stormed outside. 

4. I will consider this week a success if I manage to get my homework done.

5. My night-stand contains a lamp, peppermint lotion, and a knitting project. The drawers contain the mementos I have of my grandmother's...several pairs of 40's era gloves, her handkerchiefs, and a small 40's era Gucci wallet. The second drawer is where I stash my sewing supplies (we have no storage!).

I am of to shower and get ready for my work day. I hope your week is all you need it to be.

Hugs,

Rita

Day 26

Good morning my friends...

Just a quick note to let you know I may not get to a regular daily countdown post because today will be a busy day. I am in training and then I am off to class tonight. We had a pretty good weekend, though I still haven't been able to get Ray's sleep schedule right side up. He continues to stay up most of the night and sleeps away the day. He filled out an application for employment at a local music store this weekend and will take it in today. Em is going to give him some interview tips.

I am off to get ready for the day! Happy Monday lovelies!

Rita

Day 29

Phone calls made:

• Screening appointment for our youth mental health program.
• Calls to probation officer, Job and Family Services, kinship program , and psychiatrist.
• Failed at family therapist appointment (it was Monday, not today). This never happens! 

Positive things about today:

• Ray put his clothes away.
• I was grown up enough to help the children buy Father's Day gifts for their dad.
• We had a nice dinner and errand run.
• DC has a girlfriend (OMG!). He accidentally text-ed me instead of her and had called her beautiful. What a charmer!
• I finally finished my essay/goal statement for graduate school this evening. I think it helped to step back for awhile in order to give it a fresh eye/edit. I will finish the packet this weekend and get it to my department chair.
• I found another source for textbook rental that proved to be even cheaper than Chegg.com. Using BookRenter saved me an additional $30 off my textbook prices and the contract is for 90 days instead of 60. My history courses start on Monday!

Weekend Plans

 Produce from one vendor at our local farmer's market.

• Farmers market for fresh veggies and a new experience for Ray.
• Stop at Home Depot to see what deals they might have on plants.
• Hit the skate park in Yellow Springs so Ray can skateboard for a few hours.
• Make up the meal plan for a huge grocery shopping on Sunday.

This week I am going to check out Aldi. Kristen at the Frugal Girl has blogged about Aldi so I am going to stop in and see if I can find some bargains. I used to take clients there to shop and was disappointed with the selection. It felt as though they stocked the worst kinds of products and very little fresh food because it was in a poor neighborhood. Well, they moved the store to the major shopping area in town which might mean a better selection, but it is hard for those without transportation to get there. I will report what I find if it works out. 

Thank-you for your kind words, love, and prayers. We have everything crossed here! Have a great weekend my friends.

Love to all...

Rita

Day 30

Good evening friends...

There is not much to report but we seem to be okay today. This week my only goal is to get through it.  To tell you the truth, this week I would love to be on an island all by myself where I can sleep in a hammock, read books and drink tropical drinks all day...or tequila...or something else really bad for me. I did speak with a friend at the juvenile court about resources and made sure the probation department had every contact they needed to get the ball rolling.

photo found at  Jasmine Star Photography

I also found out  Ray gave his father our address and that his father plans on sending him money. Ray says, "It better be a couple hundred at least". I asked him to let his father know should he call again, that he needs to speak with me before those kind of arrangements can be made. He doesn't understand that. He just wants the dough to spend however he wants. He is also angry with me because I refuse to buy him cigarettes. I told him it's something we are both struggling with. I said that responsible parents don't provide their children with tobacco. He said, "I'm not your kid. Not even close".

I don't expect it to be easy. I am worn out by all of the stress of this last year. Where is Oprah when you need her?

Love to you.
Rita

Day 32

Good evening friends...

I have just parked my rear into a chair for the first time (beyond driving) since this morning. Everything worked out as I had hoped and we have Ray permanently. He was very sad. It think he was hoping his father would pull it out at the last minute and it wasn't so. He didn't even show up. He tries to be tough and mysterious, but he was in tears. He is going to miss his girlfriend and his friends and hinted that he might run away. I think we are okay for now.

Photograph by Mrs. Muffins

The court is transferring his probation here, so we will have some court supervision to help him stay on track. The judge would like him to complete a program and they are going to ask for it to be enforced. I just hope we can make a difference with him. I hopes he gives us a chance.

I am blubbering now so I must sign off for the night. Thank-you for your virtual hugs and your prayers. I could feel you pulling for me all the way from the Ohio-West Virginia border.

Hugs,
Rita

Day 33

Good evening friends...

I am a bundle of nerves this evening! I keep mulling over what may/may not happen tomorrow. Will Ray decide he doesn't want to stay? Will his father have cleaned up his house and produced a clean drug screen? Will they give him back? I have decided if we don't get what we want then we will ask for standard visitation and I will trek to Southern Ohio every other weekend and pick that boy up.

Tonight we are washing clothing and repacking everything into bins. We have to prepare for a return to his father, so everything goes back with us in the car.

On to daily reporting (what is that, you say?)...

Today, the steps I took to improve our situation are:

• I emailed a social worker I know at Job and Family Services and asked about Kinship Care assistance. There is a one-time payment of $1,000 we should be eligible for to get beds and other necessities. This benefit is available to families who take custody of a relatives children which avoids a long term foster care placement.
• I checked out Chegg.com as Nony suggested. Chegg.com is a fabulous site where you can rent textbooks for a few months for a fee. It will run me about $90 for books, but that is a savings of a little more than $200 if they are purchased new.

Thomas Edison via Jeannine Gruska from the Purl St. Scarf Project.

Today's random photo is in honor of International Yarnbombing Day (June 11). Yarnbombers create a knitted or crocheted piece and place it (ninja-like) in an unexpected place as street art. A Google search for yarnbombing will produce links to thousands of beautiful pieces of art from around the world. A few of the most famous yarnbombers are Magda Sayeg of KnittaPlease, the JafaGirls, and the Micro Fiber Militia. I have produced one yarnbomb which stayed in place for three months before it fell off. I hope to have more time to devote to this during the Summer.

The Weekly Money Check-up courtesy of My Pretty Pennies

1. The most I’ve spent this last week was on groceries ($90.02). I am going to have to sit down and do a regular meal plan because our grocery bill is only going to get bigger with Ray at home. He has not had home cooked meals on a regular basis for years. So far, he has devoured everything I put in front of him!

2. Today I am thankful the custody mess is almost over. Ray can't sleep and neither can I.

3. Money can’t buy happiness. One free thing I did last week that made me happy was playing corn hole and having a picnic in the park with the kids on Saturday.I thought the kids would think it was lame, but everyone had a good time.

4. I will consider this week a success if everything goes according to plan at tomorrow's hearing.

5. One thing I appreciate about my dad is...This unfortunately has not applied to me since my father was killed in 1972. My father's birthday has fallen on Father's Day for as long as I can remember. My mother never remarried and still has a broken heart.

Good night my friends. Please send all the good karma you can muster to Southern Ohio tomorrow.

Hugs,
Rita

Day 36

Good evening my friends...

Today Em got back together with her boyfriend (I know) and DC decided to stay home instead of going to his father's for my birthday weekend (Sunday). We don't have much planned but hope to go to the park tomorrow (if it doesn't rain) and do some gardening and grilling on Sunday. Em is taking the ACT in the morning. It is also World Wide Knit in Public Day and International Yarn Bombing Day. I will take my knitting to the park and relax in a chair while the kids climb on the cliffs. We will take a picnic and Ray will think it's the lamest thing in the world. Ugh!

Today Ray told me he doesn't like family activities because we don't feel like his family. He says it just makes him feel separate. I asked him to give us a chance and it doesn't have to feel that way unless he really wants it to. He said he was worried about making friends. "What am I going to do all Summer? Just hang out in your house? " This is a dilemma. It worries me and I'm not quite sure how to handle it. Today he went to the store with us and to pick up Papa Murphy's but mostly he just hangs out by himself or plays video games with DC. We played Monopoly last night and he seemed to have a good time. He stays up all night and sleeps till 2:00.

Today I called the Social Security Administration to inquire about how we could prevent Ray's father from getting his Social Security benefits. We can't until I have the custody papers in hand and it will be too late for the month of June. I don't really care about it but it would be nice to be able to get Ray the things he needs right now. He has gone without for so long.

On the financial front, we are lean this week because of the expenses related to traveling back and forth to Southern Ohio. I am dealing with creditors calling every day. It becomes less and less as I give them my attorney's information. So far, they are quite courteous.

I start classes a week from Monday. I am a little angry with the college because they haven't applied my student aid funds yet. They have told me I will have to take a temporary loan to cover my books until it is applied. I don't want to do this because I don't want to buy my books at the college bookstore. It sounds like a racket doesn't it?

Boy! It's all doom and gloom this week isn't it? Pink slips, financial woes, and teenage angst. I'm worn out!

Today, I am adding a random photo. This is one of my favorite photos of DC and Em. We are playing in the Atlantic off of Assateague Island in Maryland. It was their first trip to the ocean.

Early to rise for the ACT...I'm off to bed!

Love to you,
Rita

Totally Random...

Good morning!

I am toying with the idea of changing or tweaking the blogs name. The day I started I was a blubbering mess and couldn't think of a title. Now, I never thought anyone would read it, but thanks to The Frugal Girl, I have all of you. It's quite a mouthful, but I also don't want to lose any of my friends by making it hard to find. Kristen of the Frugal Girl recommends WordPress. What do you think? All feedback appreciated!

I am ending with a photo from the Warrior Dash. Yes, that's me in the middle with mud all the way up my arms and in my hair. I had to throw out the tank and shorts and I donated my shoes. There were thousands of running shoes piled into mountains. Green Sneakers collects them and shares them all over the world. Don't ask me how they get them clean for redistribution.
There is another Warrior Dash in September and I just might do it again!


Hugs,
Rita

Day 37

Good evening friends...

There is not much to report today as we are still trying to get to know one another and are working on being comfortable. One thing Ray told me is that he wants to grow up and learn how to do every day things. Em is going to ask if her employer is looking for busboys. Ray is bored and thinks we are lame. I am hoping that if he begins to earn money, that will change.

We played Scrabble and grilled out last night, both of which Ray had never done before. I need lists of life skills to teach! Please storm the comments...

In the extended layoff saga...I finally received my actual pink slip yesterday with all of the information about final checks and such. There is so much to think about (the hearing on Tuesday), that I just want to sob.

My brain is scrambled but I wanted to let you know that I haven't forgotten about you. If I miss a post here and there, please forgive me.

Love and hugs,
Rita

Day 38

Good morning friends...

I only have a few minutes to write before I have to dash off to work but I wanted to update you on what's happening on the home front.

Em and I traveled to southern Ohio for Ray's hearing. We stayed with my niece and her family on Sunday night and arrived at the court house about 45 minutes before the hearing in order to talk with court personnel and to avoid confronting Ray's father on the steps of the courthouse. It turned out that our 11:00 am hearing was rescheduled until 1:00 because the juvenile judge had taken ill and a visiting judge was hearing our case. This turned out to be very unlucky for us. Ray's father was angry and demanded an extension to secure counsel and got it. I only have placement of Ray until Tuesday the 14th  and then we have to travel back to that southern Ohio town for another ugly hearing. To say that Ray's dad is pressuring him is putting it mildly. Ray is suspicious of every one. The only thing I can do for him at this point is to offer some quiet and a spot of family life which he is not sure he is cut out for. I haven't had much time to write or to think.

Em is sad this week because she broke up with her boyfriend. Our therapist said he believed she was relapsing into old relationship patterns by pouring all of her energy into one person. She was too attached and was neglecting herself. So she made the very adult decision to break off the relationship and they are both devastated. It is a healthy decision for her. She needs to focus on herself and prepare for her Senior year and college afterwards. She takes the ACT on Saturday. Send good vibes her way...

DC is participating in summer gym this week and is officially a Freshman. All of a sudden he seems very grown up. I am hoping he has moved past his boy-apathy and will work hard and enjoy high school.

I am off to get ready for work.

Hugs,
Rita

Day 43

Good evening friends...

I have a bug this evening....hoping it’s a bug and not an ulcer! Feeling awful yesterday may not have been just a lack of sleep.

A few updates...

I could have the car situation figured out for now and won't have to worry about them picking my vehicles up in the dead of night. My mom is going to help me out and I can work out payments later. It is a huge relief. My body aches from being so tense...or it’s a bug! 

On another positive note, our therapist has agreed to keep seeing us even when we don't have any insurance (very discounted!). Our next session will be for the whole family (including Ray). 

I am going to rest up tonight and get to work tomorrow on finishing the preparation for Ray's arrival. The house is a disaster!  I leave for the race on Sunday at 1 and he knows I will be there to bring him home on Monday morning. He asked me directly and I couldn't mislead him. I am praying it was the right thing to do. I just want him to be safe.

I will be on hiatus until at least Tuesday. 

Pray the hearing goes smoothly and there is no drama or ugliness. I'm posting a photo of Ray taken by my niece Nicole. Nicole created a blog for military wives while her husband Matt was deployed in Iraq. You can find her here...

Love to all of you and thank-you for your love and encouragement. You have helped me more than you will ever know.

Hugs,

Rita

Day 44...and a new page: The Nitty-Gritty Money Mess

Good morning friends,

Today for my task(s) of the day, I sat down with the numbers at about 3:00 am. I couldn't sleep because I couldn't shut my brain off. After I was finished, I came up with the Nitty-Gritty Money Mess. This will be my Countdown post for today. Now, I am going back to bed. I took the day off because I had no sleep and I feel just awful. Comment freely, but be kind.

Hugs,

Rita 

Day 45

Good evening friends,

I have to sneak a post in because the kids have friends over to swim and hang out. I love summer! We grilled shrimp and pineapple and had lemon orzo on the side. I worked late this evening so we got a late start, but DC manned the grill like a grown-up and skewered shrimp while I cubed fresh pineapple and prepared the orzo. 

I have to show you what I am doing this weekend. A friend of mine paid for me and my best friend to compete in the Warrior Dash this weekend in Logan, Ohio. I think I posted a little about this about a month ago. It's a 5k obstacle course through the woods, with lots of mud and Viking helmets! It works out perfectly for my courtroom plans on Monday because it's about 20 minutes from Ray. We compete on Sunday and we will spend the night and attend court at 11:00 am the next morning. My niece will be competing too and I hope she will bring Ray along. I really don't know what I was thinking when I decided to do this. I am almost 44 years old after all! I just want to finish without having a heart attack! 

You'll get a kick out of this video...

Because it was a busy work day, I didn't accomplish much on the personal front. I did speak with the loan company that holds the titles to my vehicles. To say they were not very warm is putting it mildly. All I can do is try and be up front with them and pray really hard! My attorney's office was closed today so I couldn't speak with him about it. Ugh! 

We have another appointment with our family therapist on Friday. We don't have much time left with him and he's too expensive to see without insurance so we are stocking up!

I am off to shuttle kids back to their parents! 

Thank-you for sticking with me...

Hugs,

Rita